In the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta, Georgia, 4-foot, 9-inch, 18-year old gymnast Kerri Strug was up last on the vault. By her calculations, her team’s last shot at the gold medal rested squarely on her shoulders.

She sprinted down the runway and into the air, performing a vault with a handspring and twisting dismount. As she reached the ground, she slipped, lost her balance, and fell. She also heard an audible pop in her ankle, the heart-breaking sound of two ligaments tearing. The audience gasped in shock. Her score was a disappointing 9.162. The gold, Strug, thought, was slipping out of reach.

But she had one more chance. She said later, “This is the Olympics. This is what you dream about from when you’re 5 years old. I wasn’t going to stop.” Her injured ankle taped, Strug raced down the runway and into the air once more. Time seemed to move in slow motion. “I know I can do it one more time, injured ankle or not,” she said to herself.

As she landed this time, she kept her balance. In gymnast terms, she “stuck the landing.” In the Georgia Dome, 32,000 spectators began to cheer. The scoreboard flashed: 9.712. Kerri Strug had just assured her team the gold medal.

If Kerri Strug can get her balance back in the face of such pain, so can you in the face of a frustrating conversation. And unlike Strug, you don’t have to hurt yourself further to pull it off. It can be as simple as learning a few tricks to give yourself the space to get back on your feet.

Conflict throws many people off-balance. For some, the anger of conflict results in yelling or tears. For some, the result is stony silence. Or stalking out of the room. Or a desire to inflict pain on the one who seems to be the source of imbalance.

While imbalance is common, debris generation is optional. And when you remain in a conflict conversation when you’re off-balance, you’re probably generating debris—for yourself, for your client, or for both of you. The better choice is to stop and regain your balance. With better balance comes a healthier perspective and access to the good human relations skills you’ve already got.

Next time you find yourself off-balance in a conflict conversation, try one of these three tricks to give yourself some breathing space:

Take a break. The break should be at least 20 minutes to allow the “emotional flooding” to dissipate. During that time, the key is for you not to replay the difficult conversation in your mind, since doing so diminishes the results you’re trying to achieve.

Use a stopper. A stopper is my term for a little reminder that will help you stop what you’re doing before you get sucked in too far. You might pinch the skin on the back of your hand. Or you might post a note on your computer with a simple phrase you know to look for when you’re getting off-balance.

Be transparent. Let the other person know you’ve noticed your response isn’t what you’d like it to be and tell them you’d like to temporarily halt the conversation. One way to say it is, “I want to make sure our conversation gets my best so that we can sort this out. I’m not at my best right now, so I’d like to hold off for a bit until I can gather my thoughts. Are you able to pick this back up in about half an hour (or tomorrow)?”

If you’re regularly thrown off-balance in conflict situations, the above tactics may not provide long-term relief for you. It probably means you need to learn what sets you off and why, and develop a few personalized strategies for managing your conflict triggers. It’s a doable task if you want to make the commitment.

The bottom line? If you’re off-balance stop, take a breather, and get it back. Don’t speed down the runway off-balance.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 4th, 2007 at 2:22 pm and is filed under Design Careers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.